In Love and War
by elliebellie19
Summary: Edward and Bella only want one thing: each other. But when Edward is drafted into a war against the Volturi, they're separated for months. This is the story of how two people lost and found each other amidst a world of chaos... AU. NOW ON HOLD
1. Chapter 1

_Fall into the century on a supersonic cross  
Blessed she in aching silence- eternal loss…  
Is it time?  
Cause it's now or never  
Real love  
Real love forever_

"Real Love" by Smashing Pumpkins

* * *

_"__Congress has passed another conscription act today, lowering the draft age another year, to age sixteen. So far over—"_

_"Now even younger soldiers will be sent to face the army of vampires in Italy—"_

Edward flipped the television to the next station, but it was more news about the draft, and the next station was reporting the death toll in Italy.

"Just turn it off," I said. "We shouldn't be wasting our time with TV anyways."

The television shut off with a click, and Edward turned to me. We were sitting on the couch in my living room. Edward had his arm around me, and my face was pressed into his shoulder.

"What do you propose we do?" he asked.

"I could make dinner," I suggested.

Edward just sighed, and turned to face me.

"Are we really not going to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about," I said. "You're leaving tomorrow, and you refuse to change it. There's nothing I can do about it, and so there's nothing to say."

"You know I don't have a choice."

Instead of responding, I stood and walked to the kitchen, the sound of Edward's footsteps close behind.

"Bella," he started, but I interrupted him, turning around.

"Mushroom ravioli sound good?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's my favorite. You know that."

Without another word, I got started. I could feel Edward's eyes on me, but I wasn't in a mood to talk.

Edward was spending the night at my house tonight. For the last time, probably. Tomorrow he would leave to be trained to fight, and in two weeks he'd be shipped off to Italy, where I had no doubt he would die.

A few months ago, there was a massacre in Volterra, Italy. Hundreds of people were killed, and the few people that managed to escape had taken pictures of dead bodies with their cell phones. A day later, the pictures were all over the news.

It was disgusting. The people had been ripped to shreds.

There was no doubt vampires were to blame, and the Volturi wasn't hiding it, either. They told the Italian government they were behind the deaths, and that they weren't going to stop. They said vampires had been suppressed too long, that they had been hiding their true nature to appease humans and they were tired of it.

It wasn't until the Volturi attacked a military base that the United States got involved. Other countries too had lost citizens to the vampires. Now eight different countries, including Italy, had declared war on the Volturi. The President had even said he wanted to wipe them out.

Volunteer soldiers from all over the world were sent to fight the Volturi, but only a handful lived. They were changing human soldiers into vampires and then using them to fight.

Army leaders were getting desperate. No one would willingly fight in the war, so they had legalized the conscription again. Edward was drafted the day after his eighteenth birthday. Now they were lowering the drafting age to get even more soldiers. Almost everyone I knew had a family member die in Italy. So many people had died in combat that there was even talk of using nuclear weapons.

And Edward was about to be sent to fight in war with almost no survivors.

There really was no way around being drafted, but Edward had refused any option we might have to get out of it. I had even suggested running away with him so he couldn't be forced to go, but he said no. He said it was his duty. I said he was an idiot.

I was chopping vegetables with fury, slicing through them as if it would get rid of my problems. Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I'm doing this for you," he whispered.

"That makes absolutely no sense," I said. I turned to look at him. "I need you _here."_

He leaned forward and kissed me softly. Kissing Edward was so simple and natural, completely the opposite of everything else going on in the world. I tightened my grip around his neck, wishing the moment could last forever, but he pulled away.

"I'll always be here, with you," he said. "I love you, Bella."

"And I love you, but that won't stop you from dying."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I wished I could take it back. We'd never actually discussed it before, but his imminent death had been the big elephant in the room for weeks. Saying it aloud made everything so much more real.

"You don't know that I'll—"

"Yes I do," I interrupted, pushing out of his arms. "So few of the soldiers sent to fight have come back, Edward. What makes you think you'll be any different?"

"At least I have hope."

"So you know it will happen," I yelled, trying desperately to get my point across. "You know you'll be leaving me forever, but you won't even consider avoiding it?"

He just stared at me, nostrils flared, arms crossed, breathing heavily.

"Nothing's going to change your mind then?"

"What do you want me to do?" He threw his arms up.

"Anything! Something! Runaway with me! I don't care what you do, but you can't leave me." I wasn't yelling anymore. I was practically sobbing at this point. "Edward Masen, you listen to me. I can't lose you."

"I'm not going to run away from my duties."

"Fine," I said, stomping past him and up the stairs. "You can make your own damn dinner."

I hated arguing with him. We had almost never fought before he was drafted. Now it seemed like the littlest things would set us off.

Why did everything have to be so difficult with him?

I slammed my bedroom door behind me, but Edward opened it again before I reached my bed. I ignored him as he said my name, and plopped onto my bed face first. I felt him lay down beside me, and his arm draped across my back. I turned my head to look at him.

"I promise you, Bella, I _will_ come back."

"Please don't make any promises," I whispered. My throat hurt, I was tired of fighting.

"No. I swear… Bella, I will come home to you. No matter what it takes, I'll come back."

I turned on my side, and he followed, his arm now resting against my waist.

"No more talking," I said. "Kiss me."

He leaned forward. So slowly, I thought he might never do it, he pressed his lips to mine. My heart raced, as it always did when he kissed me like this. I squeezed myself even closer, and wrapped my arms around his neck. He gripped my side tighter, rolling us so he was on top, leaning over me, with one of his legs between mine.

"Bella," he muttered against my lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

We kissed until we were out of breath. He moved to kissing my neck, softly licking and nipping at the skin.

"Edward," I moaned, grasping his hair, pulling his mouth back to mine.

His hands moved up my sides, barely brushing the sides of my breasts, and I moaned again.

"Bella," he sighed.

I unbuttoned his shirt, running my hands down his chest. He shivered beneath my fingers, groaning against my mouth. I sucked in a deep breath, preparing for him to stop me. My fingers moved to my own shirt, but before I could get the first button open, his hands stilled mine..

"Not tonight," he said.

His lips returned to mine. I tried to say something, but he kept kissing me, muffling what I had to say.

"Edward," I whined, finally pulling my mouth away. "Why not?"

"We're not going to make love because you think we're out of time."

"That's stupid," I muttered.

He rolled his eyes and kissed my forehead.

"I love you too much," he said.

"I just want to feel close to you." I grabbed his hands, pulling them around my neck again. "We don't have to do anything," I promised.

"No sex," he said sternly, undoing the first button of my shirt.

I agreed, even though he was being completely ridiculous and I knew I was going to try again once his clothes were off.

Slowly, my shirt came off, then his pants. Edward almost blushed when I saw how aroused he was under his boxers.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"For what? There's nothing to be sorry for," I assured him.

He kissed down my stomach as he pulled off my pants. I thought I was going to combust when his lips met the inside of my thigh, but too soon he pulled away, coming back up so we were face to face.

I kissed his shoulder, reaching for his boxers, but Edward stopped me again.

"It's hard enough saying no _with_ our clothes on," he said. "Please don't make it any more difficult."

"Just give in," I insisted. "I know you want to…"

"Not until I get back."

I knew from the look on his face that arguing wouldn't help anything. We'd had this discussion many times before, and every time I lost.

I knew I wouldn't be able to stand any more kissing. So instead, I closed my eyes. Edward's hand rubbed my back, and I rested my head on his chest, trying not to feel like I had just been rejected.

After a few minutes his hand stilled and he whispered, "Bella?"

"Hmm."

"Are you asleep?"

I shook my head, looking at my clock. It was only seven.

"Do you still want dinner?" I asked.

"I'd rather stay right here."

His stomach growled loudly then. Even he looked startled at how loud it was.

"Someone's hungry," I giggled.

"Hurry up," he said. "Get dressed… or not, if you want."

Edward hopped out of bed, and walked over to where he dropped his pants. I watched him, leaning on my elbow, and I was momentarily distracted by his ass. He turned around when he had pulled the pants up, catching me staring. He smiled hugely.

I stood up, holding my head high, and tried to act confident as I walked in my underwear to the dresser. I felt so insecure suddenly.

I decided not to put m jeans back on, and stuck with more comfortable clothes. I put on a camisole and a pair of cotton shorts. Edward looked satisfied to see how skimpily clad I was. He gave me two thumbs up.

"Why is it," I asked, "that you always want to see me naked, but when it comes to actually doing it, you say no?"

He just shrugged and I continued.

"So your logic is so ridiculous, even you can't explain it."

Edward's eyes narrowed.

"I have my reasons," he said.

I grabbed his hand, and started to the door, but he pulled me back. He grabbed my waist, and I thought he was going to kiss me again. He did, but then he threw me over his shoulder.

"You're such a cave man," I laughed as he walked us into the kitchen. He merely kissed the side of my thigh, and let me down.

"But you still love me," he grinned.

"Of course."

Despite the ingredients being left out for quite some time, the ravioli turned out well. We didn't talk much while we ate. There wasn't anything to say. I had accepted his decisions, and I knew if I said anything it would just start another argument. I opted for in his eyes instead.

"When will Charlie get back?" Edward asked suddenly while we washed dishes.

"He's on an overnight fishing trip."

"Does he know I'm here?"

"Yes. I told him you would be coming over, and he told me not to let you spend the night, but I think he knows you're staying over tonight anyways. He just said it to maintain his authority, I think."

"I'm surprised he trusts me so much now," Edward said.

I put the last dish in the cupboard, and turned back to him.

"Oh, he doesn't trust you any more than he did. He's just giving us some privacy on our last night."

"Bella, it's only our last night for now. _I will be back_."

I bit my tongue, not wanting to spoil the good mood we'd both been in, but I knew it wasn't true.

"Look how clear the sky is tonight," he said, changing the subject.

I looked out on the window. He was right. It was a rare cloudless night in Forks, and I could see every star.

"Want to go on the roof?" Edward asked.

"You can get on the roof?"

"Sure. You can get to the roof of the porch from your window, and then climb to the main roof on that tree. Sometimes when I think Charlie is suspicious of my presence, I sit on the roof for a few hours while you sleep."

"And when do you sleep?" I asked. He was already leading me up the stairs.

"When it starts raining."

We both put on shirts, in case my neighbors spot us climbing out the window. I couldn't quite reach the branch to hoist myself up, so Edward lifted me by my hips. He kept his hand on my butt, "supporting me", for just a little too long, and I swatted it away. He threw the quilt up once I was on the roof.

The roof didn't have a very steep incline, and there were a few flat feet along the roof where the two sides met. I spread the blanket there, sat down Indian style, and waited for Edward to join me.

We leaned back on our hands, mirroring each other's position and looked at the stars.

"Why didn't you ever tell me you could get up here?"

"I didn't think it mattered. Would you have liked me to tell you?"

"I guess."

I saw him shiver, and hugged him. He leaned back, wrapping his arms around me, bringing me with him. I found the view of his emerald eyes much better than the one in the sky.

We stayed that way for a long time, just enjoying each other's presence. I loved moment like this.

He kissed me, and my eyes closed on their own. It was strange how after a year, I still had the same reactions when he kissed me. My heart sped up, and my face flushed. My hands went instinctively to his hair. Our lips moved in perfect harmony, never too fast or slow for our mood. He nibbled on my lip, and I lost the ability to think straight.

Edward's hand felt down my side and hip, to my knee, hitching my leg over his.

"Edward," I sighed. "We can't. We're outside, on my roof."

His mouth moved down my chin, to my ear. He sucked on my ear for a second.

"Then let's go inside," he whispered, coaxing me.

His hand traveled back up my leg, groping my breast, and I almost gave in.

"No," I huffed, pushing away. "You're just going to get me all hot and bothered, and then you're going to say we have to stop."

He smiled, almost laughing at my rant. I swatted his arm, and he put on a serious look. As smile was tugging at the corner of his lips as I glared at him.

"It's not funny."

"No it's not," he agreed, holding back his smile.

I buried my face into his chest.

"Please try to understand why I always say no."

"You're just trying to protect me, like you always do," I said.

"I don't want to do something you'll regret."

I scoffed.

"Besides," he continued, "we'll have plenty of time to do that when I get back."

I gave up; there was nothing I could do to change his mind.

"We should get some sleep," he said, noticing my drooping eyelids.

"Nonsense," I said, yawning despite myself.

He stood up, pulling me with him. I almost fell climbing down the tree, but gained my footing on the roof. Edward looked at me with concerned eyes.

"I'm okay," I murmured.

As expected I tripped again going through the window, and I glared at Edward as he gracefully entered the room. I stripped to my underwear again, as did he, and we collapsed on the bed together. He pulled me so my back was against his chest.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered into my ear.

"I love you, Edward."

"Forever."

His hand move to cover my heart, and I noticed I could feel his beating against my shoulder. I settled into his chest, and finally allowed myself to fall into a deep sleep.

***

I could feel myself waking. I had the feeling I had been sleeping for a long time. I rolled over, groping the bed, looking for a body.

But there was none.

"Edward?" I said, opening my eyes.

I was temporarily blinded by the light coming in my window. I shoved my face into my pillow until my eyes adjusted, but when they did, he wasn't there. His clothes weren't on the floor. I found mine folded on the seat of my rocking chair, with his Silversun Pickups sweat shirt draped over the back. I put it on, not bothering with my own. It went down almost to my knees.

"Edward?" I called a little louder.

I walked into the hall. He wasn't there. He wasn't in the bathroom, either.

I started getting frantic. He couldn't just leave without saying goodbye! My thoughts raced. One second I was telling myself there was no way he could have left yet, and the next I was almost hyperventilating.

"Edward?" I yelled, running down the stairs, not caring if I tripped. "Edward!"

I saw someone sitting in the kitchen. But when he turned around to greet me, I stopped dead in my tracks. I wiped the tears from my eyes, trying to act cool, but I had been caught.

Charlie was sitting in the kitchen, coffee in hand, mid sip. His eyes were wide, staring at my state of undress. It was very obvious that all I had been wearing was the sweatshirt, Edward's sweatshirt. There was no doubt he had assumed the worst.

"Just wake up?" Charlie asked, looking away, and obviously trying to forget what he saw.

"Yeah," I sniffled. "What time is it?"

He checked his watch. "Twelve."

It felt as if the air had been knocked out of me. Edward was supposed to leave at ten. By now he'd be long gone. I felt like I was going to collapse, but I held it together.

"Did you see Edward?" I asked, trying to hold back the tears as long as possible for his sake.

"No. He must have left before I got home." Charlie hesitated, thinking through his words. "I know this must be hard on you, Bells."

He got up and walked over to me. And then he did something he almost never did, he hugged me. I squeezed him as hard as I could, needing the comfort.

"Thanks, Dad."

He just nodded and smoothed back my hair.

"Love you, Bells."

"I love you, too, Dad."

He sat down with his coffee and newspaper again, and I just stood there awkwardly, fiddling with my fingers.

"I'm trying to pretend I don't know what happened," he said, "and it would be a lot easier if you put some more clothes on."

I didn't try to correct him, to tell him nothing happened, because he would never believe me.

"Right."

When I got to my room, I fell on my bed, finally letting the tears flow. I didn't move for a long time, and I was thankful Charlie left me alone.

I felt like screaming and punching something. I didn't know whether I was angry or sad or both, but after a while I just couldn't handle it anymore. I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling, not moving.

After what seemed like an eternity, when I couldn't cry any more, I got dressed. I put on pants and a bra, to appease Charlie, but I left Edward's sweatshirt on. My eyes looked red and puffy and all the color had drained from my face.

For weeks I had been worrying about this day, losing sleep over the thought of Edward leaving. But now that I was here in this moment, I didn't know what to do with myself. All the plans I had made involved Edward. I couldn't help but wonder if I would be alone the rest of my life, left with only memories.

If I had thought I couldn't cry any longer, I was very mistaken.

I pulled the collar up to my nose, smelling him. If I closed my eyes, it was almost like he was standing in front of me.

***

At dinner that night, Charlie attempted conversation.

"Billy and I caught a couple fish," he said.

"Oh. That's…" What was I supposed to say? Interesting? "Good, I guess."

"You're eating one of them right now."

"I figured."

This was going nowhere fast.

"When was the last time you saw Jacob?" he asked.

"A few weeks ago, I think."

"He asked about you." He chewed for a moment. "I know he'd like to spend more time with you."

I pushed the food around my plate, making it look like I ate more than I actually did.

I knew what he was doing.

"Maybe I'll give him a call."

"Can't hurt," he said.

"I guess not."

**AN:**

**I reposted this chapter because I just realized I had posted the first draft, not the final one. I was in a hurry, and didn't check the chapter after I uploaded it. The first draft had a lemon that after reading it a time or two seemed totally inappropriate for this point in the story. Not to mention, I hadn't even edited it for mistakes. So that was not what I meant for people to read, _this version_ of the chapter is.**

**I listen to the Silversun Pickups a lot when I write, hence Edward's sweatshirt. If you haven't heard of that band, go check them out... You're welcome.**

**The first idea I got for this story came while I was listening to "Ten Years Gone" by Led Zeppelin for some reason. It's developed since then. The song doesn't relate as much to the whole story as it used to, but it's still a very inspirational song.**

**This is set in a world where people have known about vampires for a while, in case you didn't pick up on that. People aren't really afraid of them, because they don't understand what they're capable of until one is already after them.**

**Please leave your thoughts. I'm looking forward to seeing what people think. The next update should be coming soon.**

**-Elle**


	2. Story on hold

**I really wish I didn't have to do this. Here it goes: **

**I'm going to have to put this story on hold. I really don't want to, but there's a good reason why. **

**I wrote the second chapter, and then decided to start the third chapter as well. I was almost done when I realized, there were lots of little holes in the story. There were parts of the plot that I hadn't thought out well enough. Once I did start thinking more about them, I found that I couldn't fill the holes without the story seeming way too far fetched. **

**So I decided that I would have to drastically alter the plot, and in doing so, I no longer liked the story. Maybe if I give it time, I can work something out that I can be happy with, but if I can't I have plans to turn it into a short story, probably only a few chapters. **

**_In Love and War_ didn't really get much traffic, so I don't suppose I'm dissapointing many people.**

**I really hate giving up on projects, no matter how few people read it, so I'll finish this eventually.**

**I'm back at college, and it has been a very busy couple weeks, but that should change soon, and I'll start working on this story again.**

**-Elle**


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